2 months passed, but what has changed?

That familiar feeling is back
The sense of loneliness,
unwantedness and isolation
The time when I feel so useless
For 22 years, have I lived in vain?
I tried to find friends whom will go clubbing on a wednesday night with me, something I sorely missed. Yet, it was only but a futile attempt. That said, I am not a desperate loner who crave to club. In fact, I have not clubbed since some months ago. And believe me, I have cut down alot on clubbing and I only enjoy wednesday nights now. Or unless it is fun like special occasions or with special people. But I am gutted that I informed my friend in advance, applied the time off, today is still a no-go. Well they are all the same aren't they? Fuckers all around me. I admit I am not a good man, which is why I am surrounded by fuckers.

Junyu - the typical fucker. He talks alot of crap, can take alot of suans and is a good play buddy; meaning only jio him when you are playing. He is not a friend in need. Provided you are extremely close friends with him, he might help. And it is still only a 50-50. And he is the fucker who airplaned me! He loves clubbing and alot of time he is the one who ignitiated our clubbing sessions, but he just started work this week. Although I did tell him in advance last week that I wanted to apply time off to go clubbing today. Still I thought "work" is not a good excuse because my work system is 1 day work 1 day off; 8am to 8am. Yet I still go clubbing or play overnight mahjong with these fuckers despite having to book in at 8am the next day.

Shining - he was my best friend. Yes he was for the past 15 years until 1 year ago, when he got a girlfriend. He used to jio me for mahjong. Now I jio him for mahjong, soccer, clubbing or anything else it is also the same result. The number of times he turned me down? It cannot be measured in times by the way, it is better measured in months. He had been turning me down for the past 1 year, to the point that I felt ashame to even call him, it had become like I am just bothering him. It is like "do I really have to call him?"; "is he my last resort? even though I can as if fortune telling, predict the no?" Oh and he cited he might have to work overtime as an excuse. But I don't blame him though. Like I have said earlier, he had turned me down so many times that now I feel I am bothering him when I call him.

Weijie - used to be a good friend with Shining and me. Have become one of my closest friends these few months because of our persistent mahjong sessions. He is working too and it is impossible to blame him because he don't club at all. And he already had a loving girlfriend.

Huachuan - was also one of my best friend. The reason? Well work also. But he sound like he wanted to go except that he had to work. And he did reiterate that if I had asked him a few days earlier, he could have applied thursday's leave.

Weizhi - he is the only one not working. But I don't blame him la~ because like Weijie, he don't club also so no point forcing him to go, it won't be fun anyway.

Peihon - work. He have to wake up 545am daily. I would be inhumane to jio him go clubbing.