vexed

At the same time as I am blogging this entry, I laid back on my chair, and breathe in. The sense of helplessness returns. The time slightly past 11pm. Suddenly I feel I could hear the seconds of time ticking past me. The winamp is playing but my ears seem to have filtered out the music. I felt a shiver down my spine. Then the complex mind began to work as many thoughts started running through my mind. I thought about a good friend who had left me. All so suddenly. He was only as old as me, in fact he was afew days younger than me. I still cannot accept that 2 out of my friendster's friends are gone. How fragile life is. How different it would have been if they are still around. How would it be when I am gone? Then, the cruel reality sank in. I am turning 22 this year. Although I have gave myself countless excuses, perhaps it is about time I finally slap myself in the face and wake up. The question that I have always asked and always provided some oh-sound-so-true-excuse: What have I achieved? I shall leave that for another time. I think I have just gave a honest answer. Then I started to frown. I am booking in later, soon. I have to book in every other day. I have no life. I have no time. I have achieve zilch. On days like this, I wish I could care less and "let go", literally that is. I could have own a license and a car, and drove along the expressway with the wind blowing gently on my face. That would perk me up. I could have, maybe 5 years later.

Until then, it is going to be a long cold night tonight.